For the first time in many many years (since my sophomore year of high school?), I find myself without clear goals.
I have an idealized vision for my future. I fantasize about it a lot, and at this point of my life it seems like a pipe dream. How am I ever going to have enough money to start my own company? To purchase land and build my own studio? To start a garden, live sustainability, and live free from overly constricting societal norms? With the way the economy is and the instability of the game industry, even owning a house seems like an unrealistic goal.
It's kind of depressing.
So... where am I going? Am I just waking up every morning, spinning my wheels at a company that barely realizes I exist, making only just enough for my immediate needs, so that I can come home tired in the evenings to repeat the process again?
Maybe so.
Despite feeling unfulfilled, I am lucky enough to even have the luxury of feeling that. If I didn't have food, a place to live, family who loves me, I imagine I'd do almost anything to be in the position I'm in now. Reaching towards a higher tier of happiness, a new awareness, a different spiritual or existential understanding of the world comes only after base needs are fulfilled (like Maslow says).
Usually coming to that realization makes me feel better -- knowing that I have all of those base needs met means I should have no problem finding happiness, but I think I'm coming to expect more from my life -- from myself even.
Am I disappointing myself today?
