I have to remember that...

...it's nice to be important, but far more important to be nice.

 ...I can't lose touch with the ability to see the good in everyone.

...even despite looking for the good, I can't be surprised when people don't turn out as good as I hoped.

... no matter how much those in my past may have hurt me, it's unfair to assume the worst in those I just meet.

 ...I should follow my instincts, but I can't be too quick to judge.

...every time I have opened my heart to someone things have turned out for the best.

...it's important to learn to forgive others.

...it's even more important to forgive yourself.

Letter to a Professor

I had a professor in college that really inspired me. He pushed his students, and didn't expect anything but their best. As an ENFJ I couldn't help but want to live up to that expectation, and I appreciated having such an intelligent but hardass teacher.

I decided to write him. At first it was just to quickly catch up and see how things are going, but the email evolved and eventually led me to my biggest resolution for the coming year. It's going to take a lot of work, but I know it's what I want to do. Here's to hoping I can make the time for it.

I pasted the email below.

Hey Professor Lange,

It's me, you know, one of those pesky first year CORE students. I was reflecting about the new year, about the last five years, and I couldn't help but think fondly of my classes with you at Champlain. It'd be really great to catch up and hear about what all is going on in your world, with your classes, and so on. As my former professor you'll be happy to hear that my education has been far from stagnant, although very unstructured. I'd like to go to grad school at some point, but for now I am learning on my own, reading books and the like. For a while after graduation I didn't quite know what to do with myself. I had secured employment (thankfully!) but ended up with all of this free time outside of work (until crunch time kicked in and the only thing outside of work I had time for was sleeping.) I picked up a few hobbies to eat the time I did manage for myself and am still enjoying them today. Youtube has been great for learning crafts, so I picked up crochet, jewelry making, and glass etching. These solo tasks give me lots of time to think and contemplate life, people, relationships.... I guess those words are all sort of synonymous to me, so it's been nice to have me time.

Much has changed professionally in the last two years. Things at 38 Studios were going well until the company went under before we shipped our game - it was a heartbreaking experience that left me sort of splashing around in the shark pit of the job market.  I was unemployed for a couple months but managed to find new work in Orange County, California! It's beautiful out here, but it's very different. The constant sun and palm trees don't exactly scream "New England!" And most of the houses are cookie cutter developments -- no charm.  The culture here is subtly different in so many ways. I'm going my own way though, and have truly never been happier. The constant sun really helps with that :)

2014 is going to be an exciting year for me, I think. My first BIG game is going to launch, Wildstar. I've set a few lofty writing goals for myself, and this mid-twenties crisis I've been going through has really inspired me to make sure I'm getting the most out of life. Sometimes I debate about whether I see myself in the game industry long term, as some of the downsides that come with it prevent me from attaining some of the other things I think I'll want for my future. I go back and forth with this sometimes when things get strenuous with work. We'll see what happens, as that is all pretty long term thinking.

I'd love some recommendations on books or ethnographic studies on cultures or groups of people that interest you. My hope is to find ways to evoke cultural empathy and community mindedness within the coming year so that I may feel more motivated to reach out to the communities here. I know that I want to be a force of good in a community, so 2014 will be a year of making connections.

I'll find a way to make this happen, to reach out to the communities here and figure out if this is truly a place I see myself long term. Apart from doing that, I know that there is a community here in need of so many things (like a community garden!)

Cheers.