Ups and Downs

I always used to think that one of the greatest things to do for an aching, girly, heart is to watch romantic comedies and love stories -- at least that's what those movies like to make us believe. I did so this weekend, watching two absolutely lovely movies/tv series, both of which filled me with love and hope but left me feeling empty and alone in the end. I write this now, soon after the completion of one of these such pieces of film, and I am frustrated with myself for feeling low about the break up. I'm having a hard time understanding how someone doesn't care about breaking someone else's heart (I originally wrote "life" instead of "heart" on accident...hah). I'm having a hard time understanding how someone can lie about love for over a year, or change his priorities so quickly, or forget what someone looks like after not seeing them for only 2 weeks.

I'm having a hard time understanding why I ever loved a person like this.

I don't want him to know how upset I still am about this, either. I don't want him to know that every time I sit at my computer doing work, I feel little pangs of anger when I see him online for hours without hearing from him. I can't decide if he's changed or if my perspective of him has, but either way it puts a sour feeling in my stomach every once in a while.

I'm not afraid to write about this here because I know for sure that he won't read this. He never once looked at my blog on his own accord while we were dating (which is ironic considering the number of you that come back every couple of days to read it... which is really heartwarming :D ). There are so many different levels of care in the world, so many different priorities, and I am doing my best to figure out which ones I value and which ones I don't.

Until then, I'll just keep swimming, smiling, and being productive.