Tonight the two UN designer teams met and discussed our concepts for the future of the project. This was an exciting meeting, and the puzzle that is this project is finally starting to get solved. Both teams now have some direction, and things are really looking great.
I finally finished my first full Maya model and will be handing it in on Tuesday for grading. EEP!
I haven't played Warhammer Online since the weekend I got it, and I miss it. So many great games are coming out Q4, and I wish I had the time for them. So. Many. Great. Games.
Aminata from the United Nations is coming on TUESDAY! (My busiest day by far). I hope I have time for some meet n greet.
I had a kickass weekend at Fancy Friday, and I'm looking forward to the future times I'll share with some new friends : )
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Friday, September 26, 2008
Friendships and Communcation
I haven't been around much lately, yet I have been everywhere at the same time. The weeks slowly peel away, and when I look back on this school year so far, I wonder, "It's only September?"
Being a Peer Advisor has been taking up quite a bit of my time recently, and I certainly don't mind. This past week I came home late and had little motivation for school work because of all of the meetings, but I'm pulling through. I have my first big exam in an hour or so, and I'm definitely nervous. Those "open note open book" ones are always deceivingly difficult.
My scattered mind is mapping itself out clearly in this entry because I can't quite get a grip on what to write. Things with Serge are better than ever before, and I know I always write this, but recently things have just been so incredible. There was a short period where we didn't communicate well, and he pointed it out to me. He said, "I feel like we're drifting a part a little bit." I felt it too, but I knew why it was. I told him, "I can't tell you everything that is going on with me because you're having such a hard time right now," and he understood that. And just that moment of clarity, where we came to terms with our situation, has allowed us to move forward. This lesson has been repeated for me in the last few days. The whole idea that people just have to talk to each other because it can sometimes can change a lot, even without changing anything at all. As much as I'd like to sometimes, I cannot read other peoples' minds. I cannot expect myself to, or be expected to.
So lets just talk to each other, then.
This conversation about communication reminds me of how strange it is that people easily forget the past. It is strange how I can look at someone who's friendship with me has faded and feel that sense of awkwardness. Why did I talk to them about certain things before, and not now? Why did things change? Why can we pick up where we left of with some people and not with others? I want so badly to go up to those people who seem to have come out of my life for a while and tell them how much I love them. I want to hug them and tell them how often I think of them. I want to tell them how much I appreciate them in my life.
With time I think I'll get that chance, as long as I can find the guts to so do, and trust that they could be thinking the same things as I am.
Being a Peer Advisor has been taking up quite a bit of my time recently, and I certainly don't mind. This past week I came home late and had little motivation for school work because of all of the meetings, but I'm pulling through. I have my first big exam in an hour or so, and I'm definitely nervous. Those "open note open book" ones are always deceivingly difficult.
My scattered mind is mapping itself out clearly in this entry because I can't quite get a grip on what to write. Things with Serge are better than ever before, and I know I always write this, but recently things have just been so incredible. There was a short period where we didn't communicate well, and he pointed it out to me. He said, "I feel like we're drifting a part a little bit." I felt it too, but I knew why it was. I told him, "I can't tell you everything that is going on with me because you're having such a hard time right now," and he understood that. And just that moment of clarity, where we came to terms with our situation, has allowed us to move forward. This lesson has been repeated for me in the last few days. The whole idea that people just have to talk to each other because it can sometimes can change a lot, even without changing anything at all. As much as I'd like to sometimes, I cannot read other peoples' minds. I cannot expect myself to, or be expected to.
So lets just talk to each other, then.
This conversation about communication reminds me of how strange it is that people easily forget the past. It is strange how I can look at someone who's friendship with me has faded and feel that sense of awkwardness. Why did I talk to them about certain things before, and not now? Why did things change? Why can we pick up where we left of with some people and not with others? I want so badly to go up to those people who seem to have come out of my life for a while and tell them how much I love them. I want to hug them and tell them how often I think of them. I want to tell them how much I appreciate them in my life.
With time I think I'll get that chance, as long as I can find the guts to so do, and trust that they could be thinking the same things as I am.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Getting the Chills
Yesterday night was perhaps one of the most beautiful Burlington nights yet. The wind was soft, and the air was cool, and it had this very autumn feel to it. I had my headphones blaring a song that just seemed to fit the theme of the day, but not because of its lyrical content. The song is called Way Out Of Here by Porcupine Tree, and it holds a lot of memories for me. On my trip back to school this past summer, my father and I had it blasting in the car, and as the buildup came to a conclusion, my heart was pounding. I said, "That gave me the chills," and my father replied simply with, "Me too." I looked over at his arm slightly resting on the steering wheel to see little goosebumps covering it. My arm, too, had little goosebumps, and I felt like we had a moment of complete understanding. We were riding on the same wavelength, and we both allowed a beautiful p
I bring up this moment because it is a rarity for me, and in class yesterday one of my Game Design professors talked about the sensation of getting the chills. He explained why it happens and how it happens sometimes for people when they play video games. This idea he brought up - the intensity of video games giving people the chills - was novel to me. I have never experienced something like that before. The only other time I can remember getting the chills from a non-somatosensory experience was a time when I listened to classical music. I almost felt left out as he explained his "chills" moments and made it seem like most gamers in the room have had that experience too. Not me, though, and I wonder why that is.
My late night outing derived from the start of the Women In Technology Club which I am organizing and facilitating at Champlain College with a few others. It went incredibly well, and seemed to be the perfect ending to an all around emotionally pleasing day. I shook away the thoughts of goosebump moments and focused on how to create an interesting space where communication and relationships can build in the Champlain community. On my walk home, though, I couldn't help but long for another moment of awe-strucken beauty.
I bring up this moment because it is a rarity for me, and in class yesterday one of my Game Design professors talked about the sensation of getting the chills. He explained why it happens and how it happens sometimes for people when they play video games. This idea he brought up - the intensity of video games giving people the chills - was novel to me. I have never experienced something like that before. The only other time I can remember getting the chills from a non-somatosensory experience was a time when I listened to classical music. I almost felt left out as he explained his "chills" moments and made it seem like most gamers in the room have had that experience too. Not me, though, and I wonder why that is.
My late night outing derived from the start of the Women In Technology Club which I am organizing and facilitating at Champlain College with a few others. It went incredibly well, and seemed to be the perfect ending to an all around emotionally pleasing day. I shook away the thoughts of goosebump moments and focused on how to create an interesting space where communication and relationships can build in the Champlain community. On my walk home, though, I couldn't help but long for another moment of awe-strucken beauty.
Friday, September 12, 2008
Roller Coasters Called Design
I'm starting to find that game design is an emotional roller coaster -- as if the one I'm already on isn't thrilling enough. I managed to become heartbroken today when my design wasn't picked in class by my professor. I became determined at the thought of working with an incredible group, and excited about discussing our plans for moving forward with the concept. We have high hopes for the completion of our design document and the prototype, and I'm hoping that we manage to pull this through.
My professor explained why my design wasn't picked, and it was because I didn't explain how this concept could come to fruition. In other words, all I needed to write in the proposal was "This can be created in Game Maker." I'm pretty angry at myself for that, but it gives me the opportunity to work under the lead of my best friend and save this concept for personal work. I'm excited about this idea, and the scope of it is definitely within my grasp.
Bouncing ideas off others is perhaps one of the greatest and most exciting things to do. My brain ticks away, and the flood gates open for my creative flow, and that immediate feedback is exactly what I need. I live for it.
My professor explained why my design wasn't picked, and it was because I didn't explain how this concept could come to fruition. In other words, all I needed to write in the proposal was "This can be created in Game Maker." I'm pretty angry at myself for that, but it gives me the opportunity to work under the lead of my best friend and save this concept for personal work. I'm excited about this idea, and the scope of it is definitely within my grasp.
Bouncing ideas off others is perhaps one of the greatest and most exciting things to do. My brain ticks away, and the flood gates open for my creative flow, and that immediate feedback is exactly what I need. I live for it.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Super Powers with Little Power
The notes from my trip are finally digitized. I did that this weekend, and since then I haven't gotten South Africa off my brain. My sense of empathy has been heightened, and I'm not quite sure I can switch it off. I get wrapped up in the plight and problems of others, and all I want to do is make it go away for them. I can't stop thinking about all of those people in South Africa.
Many times people have asked me what super power I would want, and I've decided what I wanted: I want to be able to take away people's pain -- physical and mental. Those who are sick can die in peace, those who are mentally ill can feel no frustration. It just seems like some pain in this world is only meant to remind us of our mortality. Misery, to an extent, is deadly -- therefore in my mind, it is unnecessary. As humans, we need that sense of misery sometimes, but there are so many people in this world who are suffering for no reason, and I want to take that away.
Serge has a lot of pain in his life now -- physical and mental, and I wish he didn't. It's hard for me to say to him, "well, you signed up for this," while still telling him that everything will be OK. I wonder if I can re-write my DNA with some Eve and figure out how to shoot beams of pain relieving happiness or something; anyone know some guy named Andrew Ryan?
Anyway, we had a UN project meeting today, and the transcription begins! From the sounds of it, it will be hell, but I'm ready for it. I don't really have the time, but I'll make it. We got so much information from the townships we visited, and I feel like the world needs to know about it. I feel like the world needs to know about the huge social problems going on in South Africa right now so that maybe the citizens will stop ignoring their problems and finally realize that they are in control of their own destinies. I want them to stop and think, "oh, hey, maybe I should wear a condom." Or maybe, "Oh, hey, maybe I shouldn't hit my wife or rape this child." And I wish so much for the US to do the same; perhaps we could stop relying on our huge ego and realize that we've got some damn big problems in this country too.
I wish I believed in some higher power, cause sometimes I feel like the only hope is beyond us --
even though it's not. The hope is here.
Many times people have asked me what super power I would want, and I've decided what I wanted: I want to be able to take away people's pain -- physical and mental. Those who are sick can die in peace, those who are mentally ill can feel no frustration. It just seems like some pain in this world is only meant to remind us of our mortality. Misery, to an extent, is deadly -- therefore in my mind, it is unnecessary. As humans, we need that sense of misery sometimes, but there are so many people in this world who are suffering for no reason, and I want to take that away.
Serge has a lot of pain in his life now -- physical and mental, and I wish he didn't. It's hard for me to say to him, "well, you signed up for this," while still telling him that everything will be OK. I wonder if I can re-write my DNA with some Eve and figure out how to shoot beams of pain relieving happiness or something; anyone know some guy named Andrew Ryan?
Anyway, we had a UN project meeting today, and the transcription begins! From the sounds of it, it will be hell, but I'm ready for it. I don't really have the time, but I'll make it. We got so much information from the townships we visited, and I feel like the world needs to know about it. I feel like the world needs to know about the huge social problems going on in South Africa right now so that maybe the citizens will stop ignoring their problems and finally realize that they are in control of their own destinies. I want them to stop and think, "oh, hey, maybe I should wear a condom." Or maybe, "Oh, hey, maybe I shouldn't hit my wife or rape this child." And I wish so much for the US to do the same; perhaps we could stop relying on our huge ego and realize that we've got some damn big problems in this country too.
I wish I believed in some higher power, cause sometimes I feel like the only hope is beyond us --
even though it's not. The hope is here.
Friday, September 5, 2008
The First Push
This is the weekend of experimentation... with dev programs of course. I've put together a team of three individuals, myself included, that are working towards the A La Mod competition this February. Bryan Hare (programmer) and Chris Coccaro (designer) have agreed to work with me, and I couldn't be happier. This weekend we'll be dabbling in every mod/dev program we can come up with, including Hammer, Multimedia Fusion 2, Unreal 3, and more. There are several concepts already in motion, and I'll try to get some concept art posted soon. The start of the school year brings with it much chaos.
In other words, I'm really freakin' busy. Luckily, we've got until February for A La Mod.
The UN project has had a bit of a break from me this week, but that will change this afternoon. I'm going to start digitizing the notes from the trip, and we have a compilation meeting this Monday to debrief and start with the next steps. We have until Nov 14 to bang out a finalized concept design doc -- I'm terrified and excited at the same time. We can do this.
In other words, I'm really freakin' busy. Luckily, we've got until February for A La Mod.
The UN project has had a bit of a break from me this week, but that will change this afternoon. I'm going to start digitizing the notes from the trip, and we have a compilation meeting this Monday to debrief and start with the next steps. We have until Nov 14 to bang out a finalized concept design doc -- I'm terrified and excited at the same time. We can do this.
Monday, September 1, 2008
Readjusting
It is strange to be back. The excitement of everyone else arriving back at school kept me awake for the day, although just barely. The flight and my arrival is all a blur now.
The trip isn't, though. While I seem to have lost my sense of time on the trip (because I cannot remember when exactly I did certain things), I remember every bit of it. I'll be posting pictures as soon as I get them from the location I backed them up on.
It feels strange to be back, and I'm worried about what this strange feeling might mean. Professor Meg Frenzen opened her arms to us on our way back to Burlington by offering her support as we try to transition back to our American lifestyles. She explained that it may be hard to be back in the states, living our privileged lives and taking most of it for granted. It is only when I sit down in my room, away from the company of others, that I feel it; it's almost a sense of disgust, but it is mixed heavily with guilt. It's too easy for me to sit down at a computer and get on the internet. It is too easy for me to walk down the street and not fear for my life.
I am so thankful for that easiness, though, and I'm more thankful now than ever. As I've written before, this trip has made me much more globally aware. I hope that some day in my life I will find the guts to move somewhere else in the world and live a different lifestyle, yet I fear that I love the internet way too much. It is the sad truth that it is hard to comprehend living in a world without such a large video game culture. Given just a taste of it made me homesick. I really hope I can find the guts one day....
The trip isn't, though. While I seem to have lost my sense of time on the trip (because I cannot remember when exactly I did certain things), I remember every bit of it. I'll be posting pictures as soon as I get them from the location I backed them up on.
It feels strange to be back, and I'm worried about what this strange feeling might mean. Professor Meg Frenzen opened her arms to us on our way back to Burlington by offering her support as we try to transition back to our American lifestyles. She explained that it may be hard to be back in the states, living our privileged lives and taking most of it for granted. It is only when I sit down in my room, away from the company of others, that I feel it; it's almost a sense of disgust, but it is mixed heavily with guilt. It's too easy for me to sit down at a computer and get on the internet. It is too easy for me to walk down the street and not fear for my life.
I am so thankful for that easiness, though, and I'm more thankful now than ever. As I've written before, this trip has made me much more globally aware. I hope that some day in my life I will find the guts to move somewhere else in the world and live a different lifestyle, yet I fear that I love the internet way too much. It is the sad truth that it is hard to comprehend living in a world without such a large video game culture. Given just a taste of it made me homesick. I really hope I can find the guts one day....
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